The year 2018 went by so fast, and yet not fast enough.  I did not, or rather, could not write about it.  How can I try to understand and deal with all of the turmoil going on in the world?  How can I put into words how this is affecting me physically, emotionally, spiritually?  How can I even begin to understand how this is affecting others…especially those who are closer to the flame? All of this reminded me of how little control we have.  It can be overwhelming and depressing at the same time.

I started to get tired of the limitations, restrictions, and assumptions.  I started to get tired of the attempts to control me or limit my success.  These were either limits placed on me as an individual or limits placed on me because of my group membership (woman, junior, early-career, childless, young, old, sister). For some reason, these controls and limits make me want to rebel in the most dramatic way.  This was the theme for 2018.

So, for 2019, instead of any resolutions, I chose a word to associate with this new year.  A word I can call upon in times of difficulty and times of success.  A word I can use during my meditation practice.  A word I can pick apart, question, and use to my advantage.  I am fully aware that my choice is a direct reaction to the 2018 happenings.  The word I chose is IDENTITY.

I like the Oxford Dictionary definition: “Identity: The fact of being who or what a person or thing is.”

This year, I will use this word to inform the choices I make, the way I deal with a situation, and how I view my place in the world.  Does this action/inaction align with my identity, not someone else’s view or opinion?  Does this serve to support my identity and higher Self?  Does this serve someone else’s view of who I should be, rather than who I know I am?

As Marcus Aurelius, a notable Stoic, in Meditations writes: “Everything, a horse, a vine, is created for some duty. For what task, then, were you yourself created? A man’s true delight is to do the things he was made for.”

To determine the difference between my identity vs. others view of my identity, I created a two lists. The first list contains the words that I associate with my identity (and words I am comfortable with!).  The second list contains words I have heard others associate with me or words that could describe my job, but don’t necessarily describe my identity.  Just writing these words down was extremely helpful in creating a reference point for decision making.

It is still very early in 2019, but so far I have noticed how this word identity influences the way I chose to spend each hour of the day.