With something as tragic as a loss from death, trauma, or divorce, how do we move forward?  After the tears, sadness, and grieving, how does one move on?

I have felt mentally and emotionally exhausted these past few months with the passing of my father.  There isn’t a moment in the day in which I am not thinking of him.  Often I am still angry at the pain and suffering he fought through for so long, and the fact that we cannot have him here with us today.  This is the type of exhaustion that is not alleviated by sleep, food, or relaxation.

Instead, I have found a few things that makes me put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.  I am convinced that this is what my Dad would do if he were in my shoes.

1) Helping others.  I have spent so much time caring for my Dad that often I feel useless now that I do not have the role.  Finding a way to help others reminds me that I am okay and that I am needed.

2) Finding a supportive team environment. The support system is crucial for you to be able to maintain a positive outlook and keep things in perspective.  Even though I feel like never leaving my house (or getting out of bed), knowing that I will be around a “team” member, makes all the difference.  When people look you in the eye, place a hand on your shoulder, or go out of their way to connect with you, you instantly feel stronger, happier, and more alive.  This goes back to number 1 above…sometimes, when we are hurting, it is also the best time to be the supportive team member!

3) Get moving every day.  A small amount of movement or exercise everyday is essential to a healthy, well-balanced life.  This is not a secret.  However, in the midst of grief, it is easier said than done.  Exercising (whether 5 minutes or 60 minutes) will get the blood moving, the lungs breathing, and the positive endorphins flowing.  I find that a peaceful walk outside works the best for me when I am too tired or overwhelmed to do a normal workout.  Something as simple as doing a few standing squat exercises and push-ups (on the floor, chair, or wall) ignites some heat and increases heart rate.  We may think it isn’t enough, but during this difficult time, I think every moment that you do something for your own health means you are moving forward.

4) Meditation.  A few moments focused on breathing has done wonders for overall outlook on life.  One way to “meditate” is to spend a few minutes, with eyes closed watching your breath.  I find it useful to mentally image a person, place, thing, experience for which I am eternally grateful.

Below is a quote from Max Strom, someone I have had the pleasure of studying with and has a way with words that bring clarity to many:

Grief is such a powerful emotion, and I dare say that it is the emotion that we are the most frightened to feel. When a tragedy strikes, many will do everything they can to avoid the feelings exploding in their chest. Some try and cover their feelings with anger and even convert their anger to vengeance. Others will shut down as if feeling nothing. In both choices the grief is suppressed. Buried. But grief demands its moment, its time. We all need to embrace our grief and let it purify us. But we fear it so much. This is because we often believe that our grief would destroy us when fully experienced, that we could not survive. We see no good in it—only indescribable pain. I believe that grief does offer gifts, and one powerful gift is the gift of piercing clarity. It is like a cold blue flame that burns away everything to its essence until you are overtaken by the harsh clarity of who you really are as an emotional being. You are in full witness of your wounds, your strengths, and your failures. It also gives you, for a time, a special kind of vision, a vision of true love, a vision that cuts through everything except that which is absolutely true, revealing the one you love the most fiercely in the depth of your bones. You realize whom you truly have an intimate relationship with and with whom you do not. In my darkest hours of extreme grief, these were the things that I could clearly witness. Love stripped bare.  ~Max Strom