Resolutions really are not my thing, however, I love the time of the year between Christmas and New Years.  It is an ideal time to spend with family, reflect on the past year, and look forward to what the new calendar year might offer.

The year of 2014 has been bittersweet for me.  It has been the most challenging year, but I will remember it as a year of transformation instead of a year of despair.  I have much gratitude for the experiences I have had, and the people I have met, and the chaos it has brought.  Because in this chaos, it becomes glaringly clear where my priorities truly are, and helps me arrange the rest of my life to support these priorities instead of compete with them.  I want to take the next few posts to explore the transformation and priority shifts of 2014.

Cancer 

For the last 3+ years, my Dad has been fighting Stage IV cancer.  (Dad’s CaringBridge can be found here: Dave’s Story)  Currently we know it is in his liver, lungs, and thyroid, but may have spread further.  It was unlikely he would survive 2 years…but he is still here.  It was unlikely that he would make it through last Christmas after we learned that the cancer was still spreading.  It was unlikely he would make it through this Christmas because he has been in hospice 4 months.  It was unlikely that he would be here today because he already showing the telltale signs of death approaching.

Each layer of depressing news in our family is not met with tears (well, a few), but with joy that he is has made it this far.  Each layer is met with renewed effort to prioritize time with him and making him happy.  We try to make each gathering memorable, joyous, and simple.  Too much complexity or motion is draining on Dad.  Instead of always being on the go, we spend a lot of time just sitting.  Instead of new adventures, we reflect on past adventures.  And, for me, instead of putting my career first, I have put my career on hold and moved home to be with Dad.

Death

My Uncle was estranged from the family.  Being the oldest child, I have a lot of childhood memories of my Uncle, where my siblings and cousins do not.  He was not my blood Uncle, but married in the family, making it that much easier to dismiss him.  On his way home from spending the Christmas holiday with his sister, he was tragically killed in a highway crash.  He had a history of seizures and they think he had a seizure while driving.  He leaves behind two young men who are struggling to make sense of this tragedy.  The need prayers, thoughts, compassion, love.

Priorities

When I am with my Dad, I am 100% present.  This in itself is an accomplishment because my work is very important to me and I am always multi-tasking.  But when I am not with my Dad, my mind is so consumed with Cancer, Survivor, Diagnosis, Hospice, Prevention that I float through the rest.  Nothing can compete with Cancer, not even my work.  The news of my Uncle, as tragic as it was, reminded me and my family of the fragility of life.  It was a gentle reminder to pay attention and give love to those around us.  It was a reminder to say what we need to say.  It was a reminder to be present with the World outside of Cancer.  It was a reminder to notice the sunshine…to meet the eyes of passersby…to smile.  It was a reminder that each day is beautiful and there is always a reason to be thankful.  It was a reminder to prioritize our loved ones in the midst of chaos because our days are numbered.

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